Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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