I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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