You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
