the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
