I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
