Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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