What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
