It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
