Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
