just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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