He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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