Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
