Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Bring me that man meat
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
