i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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