WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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