textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My hand turned me down
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
