She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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