the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i came on her dog
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
