I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she pinky promised me she was 18
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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