i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
