the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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