You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
