apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
