Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
