It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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