Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
