So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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