Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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