Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
