just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
