Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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