i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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