I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
