omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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