I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
