Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
