Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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