he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
