Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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