A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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