I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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