i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
this boner is exhausting
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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