he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
