Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
