Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
