People with herpes should wear stickers.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
