they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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