are you still at the devil's house?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
