she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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