Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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