It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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