i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
