he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
