She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
