My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
