our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
