He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
