i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
