So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
