so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?