so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Bring me that man meat
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.