Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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