he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
