Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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