I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
