How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
