I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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