i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
