Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
