He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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