I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
