Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
