Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
