i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish i was in the wii world.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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