well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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