My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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