we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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