he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
