Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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