I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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