i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
