i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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