her vagine was all disorganized.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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